It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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