Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
