he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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