He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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