we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
