Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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