just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
