Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
