Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
