As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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