I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
