Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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