That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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