Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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