She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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