I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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