I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
