Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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