I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
