went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize