Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
