I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
