I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
