yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
