Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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