omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
