toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
