Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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