I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Life is so much better after having sex.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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