Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
