I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
