where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
