i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
