Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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