whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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