I'm going to jail i love you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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