Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
