Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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