i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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