It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
