Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
