On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
