the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
