She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
