half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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