Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
