last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
