I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
