i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize