You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
