Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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