hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
