i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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