Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
