I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
