i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
