I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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