did you get engaged???
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
