oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
