Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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