I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
