you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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