i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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