I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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