# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Girls should come with a carfax report
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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