i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
