...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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