If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
