The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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