Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
